Before and During Pregnancy – Hope

 

The first fear Hope experienced when she heard she was pregnant was that she then had to get off her medications.

Written testimony

We also have a history of thyroid issues on my paternal side and maternal side and because of what I’ll talk about later in my second birth postpartum, I really believe there’s a huge link between thyroid health and mental health challenges, and that get highlighted in the postpartum period, especially when it comes to breastfeeding. So, I do have a minor form of major depression that has been treated over time with Celexa for a few years, and then just like, I got off of that, because it just made me feel numb and dead inside and no sex drive and tired and stuff, and just modified my lifestyle. And then because of issues in reproduction in my family, my husband has azoospermia, so we need a donor to have our babies.

And that brings into my story, you know, a different type of reality with child bearing, because it is not easy to have technology ruling your reproductive life and the losses that come with that on a professional level, on a personal level, on a relationship level. I had a lot of stress, different I would say than regular people that go to bed and oops they get pregnant or go to bed and, oh it worked, okay. Or even go to bed and try for six months or a year with their partner and then it works or it doesn’t work, I have to have a completely different relationship with getting pregnant. So, I was saying, I already lost my thought. I was saying that a little bit – so, right. And so, I went through, after my first was born with our donor, who is an ID open donor that my daughter will have access to at the age of 18 if she wants. I had a series of, you know, terrible years with miscarriage and it just never worked again and it was very, very, very, very difficult, I still get emotional talking about it, wow.

So in 2014, I was not well, I really didn’t feel well. And so, I went back on medication, but I did not want to go on the SSRI, because they, I don’t want to gain weight, I don’t want to feel like have zero sex drive, my relationship I think, you know, marriage and work and all that, I mean, we need to have some type of drive sometimes. And so, my doctor suggested Wellbutrin, which is an NDRI I believe, so it works on dopamine not serotonin, and you know, it gives you a little punch of energy and is good, so that worked for me. And then it stopped working for me and we added in Concerta, which is used for ADHD, but it can also compliment an antidepressant for, it’s antidepressant effects on the dopamine system, and it changed my life. Like literally I got on top of my career and kind of it helped me focus and meditate, and I was able to kind of process a lot of my loss through the reproductive issues with failed IVF and failed insemination and miscarriage.

And just change my focus, felt really good, was advancing in my career, we had one sample left at the fertility clinic, and you know, what are you going to do with that, because I really wanted to close the door after seven years of kind of thinking about a number two. I was feeling really good, we were feeling really good, and I said you know, maybe we should just try again, just one last time and then close the book. And it probably won’t work and I’ve got my life in order, I’m done with this, I’m going to go ahead, going back to school, changing my career, we’re good, we moved everything. And you know, called the fertility clinic, and because I hadn’t been there since 2014, since my failed IVF. I decided never to go back into one of those buildings again, because they’re absolutely horrendous when you actually don’t get pregnant.

I made an appointment and they could only see me, this was in June, they could only see me for my first consult in December, I was totally cool with that, not in any rush and anyway. Didn’t even know if I was going to go to the appointment in December, decided to go, then you know, are we going to go back for the actual ultrasound and the whole day one, three, blah, blah, blah and for instance we decided to, my doctor said, you know what, you should just try insemination and not IVF. And anyway, I got pregnant, so. That was a big shock and my first fear was, am I going to have to get off of my meds, because they really helped me a lot. And so, I talked to my doctor, who I trust fully, and she said; no, stay on them, you know, we’ll revisit this later, but right now, stay on them, and she’ll send me to a specialist to verify that they were not safe, but you know, to talk about it.

And so, I talked to the specialist and definitely Wellbutrin, like I can stay on that during the pregnancy, there’s less data about Concerta, she asked me to call Mother Risk, and talk to a consultant there. And basically, I came to the conclusion on my own that I am going to stay on the Concerta, because it just, you know, I just didn’t want to risk getting back into the same place as I was in 2014, it wasn’t very pretty.

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